Sean is great craic. Always up for the sesh, no matter what. He lives on College Road and is the life of the party, but recently he’s been acting a bit strange. This article will help you decide if he’s just having a laugh, or if his body is a conduit for Satan.
Speaking in tongues– You saw Sean screaming Latin at his Girlfriend in McDonalds one Thursday night. To be fair, she had got him the wrong sauce on his nuggets, and that would be enough to put me in the mood. Sean can also recite the entire Bible backwards, but we can attribute that to his short-lived career as Ballincollig’s 5th best MC.
Vomiting Blood-Sean has had his stomach pumped so many times the emergency room gave him a medal. Sure, this time he was crawling across the roof when he vomited on the couch, but he did down two bottles of Bucky. Mad bastard.
Communing with Rats- His gaff hasn’t been cleaned in months, so it’s only natural he’d befriend the rats there. It’s just like Sean to train them to hunt his enemies too, Mad Fucker that Sean is.
Cowering in fear of Crucifixes- This one is slightly harder to explain. Maybe some repressed Catholic guilt? But that still doesn’t explain that one time at Aaron’s birthday when he burst into flames at the sight of the Sacred Heart Picture. Sean’s blood is 90% Tesco Vodka, and he does smoke 12 packs a day, so Spontaneous Human Combustion is always a possibility.
Human Sacrifices- Sean was probably just messing around. Boys will be boys, right? He probably didn’t actually cut out that lads’ heart and burn it while chanting. It’s best to just ignore this one unless you want to be next.
His Dancing- This is the only concrete proof we have that he may be home to a Demonic presence. When a man moves like that to Ed Sheeran Remixes and MC Pat Flynn, he must be aligned with Lucifer.
Skipping his lectures to drink in Wetherspoons in the morning- Classic Sean. Sneaking in a naggin to drink with his full Irish breakfast. Definitely not possessed. He could, however, be an alcoholic desperately acting out hoping someone will notice and help. One time he missed his test at 9am to drink in Spoons. Absolute. Mad. Lad.