College is the time to express yourself, become yourself, and get up to a lot of shit your parents would be ‘not mad, just disappointed’ at you for. It comes as no surprise, then, that a lot of people get tattooed during their college careers, myself included. Tattoos are a great way to express who you are via art. Big or small, colourful or monotone, arty or wordy – tattoos can be of anything, about anything you want. Having that level of control over something on your body is incredibly cool and empowering. That being said, they aren’t for everyone and they certainly aren’t something you should be flippant about, because they’re kind-of on your body forever. I’d describe getting one as ‘til death do you part’, but tattoos are known to stick around long after you’re gone, which is kind of fascinatingly gross.
Anyway, if the fact that you’re gonna take them to the grave doesn’t put you off, but you’re still unsure about what to get, I’m gonna give you the lowdown on some of the most common tattoos you’ll see around college and what they’ll say about you. If you have any of the tattoos mentioned below, I’m sorry; I’m sure laser treatment isn’t that painful.
- Tribal Tattoos: You probably couldn’t name any tribes if asked, but you could definitely name some SICK GYM WORKOUTS TO GET RIPPED, BRO.
- A Tattoo in the General Area of Your Arse: You are a Top Quality Lad who loves Banter and also probably nandos.
- An Anchor With The Words ‘Never Sink’: You lack a fundamental understanding of the concept of gravity… or anchors.
- Sailor Jerry Tattoos: You’re a bit of a tattoo snob and a wanker. You probably listen to the Smiths a lot.
- A Faded Tri-Colour: You’d like to think you’re hard enough to be in the ‘RA. You’re probably not, though.
- A Tattoo Dedicated to Your Nan: You are from the northside.
- A Meme Tattoo: This will be sooooo funny and cool (for like 3 weeks).
- A Looney Toons Tattoo: You wanted a tattoo to be ‘hip’ and ‘cool’ but you also didn’t have any real ideas or money. I know it was only €40, but c’mon man, it’s gonna be a blob in 2 years time.
- A Deathly Hallows Symbol: You have no originality, are probably incredibly annoying, and definitely had one of those awful fandom tumblrs at one stage (or still do).
- A Spider Web: You are a neo-nazi OR you didn’t do any research, never found out it was a symbol of neo-nazism, and the person tattooing you either had questionable morals or was afraid of you.
- Asian Linguistic Character: You like to think you’re ‘spiritual’ and that this means ‘Nirvana’: in reality, it means ‘idiotic pseudo-cultural white person’, or perhaps ‘mayonnaise’.
- Dream Catcher Tattoo: You’re a ‘free spirit’. You also probably attract a lot of negative spirits now, because, y’know, that’s what dream catchers do.
- A Minion Tattoo: You are literally the worst person in existence. Or a Facebook aunt. Or both.
- A Tattoo in an Unreadable Script Font: You wish it was socially acceptable to submit all your assignments in the Lucinda Calligraphy font because it would make them look So Much Nicer.
- A Tattoo of Your Significant Other’s Name: You either think this relationship is Definitely Forever or that tattoos aren’t. You are wrong on both counts, sorry.
- A Tattooed Correction or Cover-up of a Significant Other’s Name: You learned your lesson from above the hard way.
- A Super Fucking Big and Detailed Tattoo: You have an incredibly high pain tolerance and shouldn’t be fucked with.
- A Pride Flag Tattoo: You’re just *wipes single tear from eye* so fuckin’ gay man, proudofu.
- A Tattoo As Gaeilge: Níl aon tinteán mar do thinteán Sinn Féin.
- A Sylvia Plath Tattoo: You like poetry and also being sad, and you probably remember the Leaving Cert fondly.
In all seriousness though, all tattoos are good tattoos as long as they’re not actively discriminatory. Live your best life. Get that ‘dicks out for harambe’ tattoo if that’s what gets you by in this awful, dumpster-fire world. Just please, do us all a favour, and get it in a legible font, with no spider webs involved, and keep your beour’s name away from your body man. It’s awkward for all of us.