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What Women Want – Underwear Edition | Kieran Murphy

Out of the newspaper and into your bedrooms, Fashion Editor Kieran Murphy talks to women about the state of Irish men’s underwear choices

Ever since the UCC Express gave women a forum to voice their dissatisfaction in men’s wardrobe choices, the males of the UCC student body have listened and there’s been a 70% decrease in v-neck usage on campus. However, with Valentine’s Day coming up and SHAG week just around the corner it’s time to address the problems that lurk beneath: underwear.

With sex education being marginalised in school across the country, very few men know what’s expected of them. Is it okay if there’s a hole in my boxers? Do white Calvin Klein’s still count as white if they blended with other colours in the wash? And let’s not forget the age-old question of whether turning a pair of boxer shorts inside out constitutes a clean pair… Problems like this need to be addressed so if you’re lucky enough to make it someone’s bedroom you won’t be kicked out.

After putting the call out for women to speak to us about men’s undergarments the first to come running up to us was Kristin Desmond, a sociology student doing a study on the ratio of a man’s penis to his car.

“My main issue with men’s underwear is they don’t ever throw them out” she despairs. “My boyfriend’s mother used to buy him his underwear, and for his brothers as well. Colour co-ordinated so they won’t get them mixed up. However, since moving to Cork he’s prefers to spend his Euros on jagerbombs and Ritalin instead of investing in underwear that doesn’t have Thomas the Tank engine emblazoned across his crotch.”

So lads if you haven’t bought new underwear since moving to Cork it could be time to invest, Stuart Chisholm recommends going for 100% cotton for maximum comfort.

Afterwards we encountered Ellen Lehane who’s currently studying the virtues of toilet graffiti on campus in Art History. Lehane spends a lot of time studying in the Commerce section of the Boole and is constantly faced with one major problem: ‘freeballin’. It’s an epidemic.

So many guys go around in their Abercrombie tracksuit pants with no underwear on. Is it a fashion statement or have they just not done their washing, who knows? Not only do their balls swing like a pendulum when they walk there’s one less layer between the world and their junk.

So guys while it may make having a quickie one split second faster; it won’t be doing the general female population any favours. Or increase your chances with the fairer sex.

So guys what women want from you in the underwear department seems pretty simple, have them fresh and more importantly clean or at least wear some at all and if your girlfriend buys you a €2 thong from Penney’s, do us all a favour and only wear it in the bedroom.