Kevin Spacey– God I hope so.
Tom Hardy– Doctors discover that the accents he uses in his roles are not just terrible character choices, but it is in fact a rare form of Laryngeal cancer.
Christian Bale- Completing another headline grabbing transformation, Bale kills himself to portray a corpse in his latest role. What a true artist.
The Sugar Puff Monster- Diabetes. Well, diabetes and that crippling heroin addiction.
Drake– After getting caught up in chasing clout with the newest generation of Rappers, Drake takes one full Xan, rather than his usual half. He dies peacefully in his sleep. Underage girls across the world breathe a sigh of relief.
Donald Glover- Killed in a hit on the Gambino crime family.
Theresa May- Killed in a communist uprising led by Comrade Corbin.
Tom Cruise– After running full tilt into a lorry on the set of Mission Impossible 7: Cruise Control, Tom’s human form is finally extinguished. The world weeps, but the few knowledgeable ones know he is not dead but has merely transcended his corporeal form and is on the ship back to Xenu