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UCC Student Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Aine Barry, a UCC arts student and Strongbow Dark Fruits connoisseur, was in Oslo yesterday to collect her Nobel Peace Prize for swiping right on a 5’8 man on tinder. She was presented the prize by Alexander Magnus, chairman of the Nobel Prize Committee and writer of the book, ‘Appreciate the Little Things’. Despite being offered a two week all expenses paid stay in Norway, Aine declined, rushing back to Ireland as she is in her final year of her arts studies and Wetherspoons is having a sale she can’t afford to miss.

This morning outside Boole Library, Aine, 21, addressed her legion of vertically challenged male fans in a speech so rousing, even High Kick Kev stopped kicking momentarily to listen and applaud. She stated, ‘Bruno Mars and Daniel Radcliffe are like 5’5 or something and they’re still kinda hot’. She pledged to spend her €20,000 prize on the next two weeks rent for her twin room and 4 cans of Galahad, if she has anything left over.

We caught up with Eoin, the man who Aine matched that fateful Thursday night. Eoin expressed that he was sick of being overlooked, due to his height, by short-sighted girls. However due to his persistence and tactile thinking by taking profile pictures with even shorter friends, he managed to convince Aine to swipe right. Despite not yet responding to his original message, ‘I heard you like studs, I’ve got the STD all I need is U’, Eoin still believes Aine is a special case and eagerly awaits her reply. Eoin teared up as he told the Express, ‘She’s the first girl who hasn’t looked down on me because of my height’.

Despite her forward-thinking attitude and positive steps towards world peace, Aine still has some detractors. Most notably, her best friend Saoirse, who was present on the night that the match occurred. While Saoirse refused to comment on the incident itself she told UCC express ‘All I’m saying is that sometimes thumbs slip, accidents happen and, Aine’s least favourite Game of Thrones character is Tyrion’

Aine, who said her favourite film was The Hobbit, brushed off this statement when questioned about it, retorting that, it was 1pm on a Tuesday and that, as a fellow arts student, Saoirse was probably ‘off her face’. She has since pledged to continue wearing flats and bending her knees in photos.