“When I saw a woman gyrating towards the building blaring ‘Dancing Queen’, I was sure it was a publicity stunt for ‘Mamma Mia 3’,” says Nigel Smith, a security guard in Irish Embassy, “I never suspected she’d be in for an Irish passport.”
According to our sources, the English Prime Minister has been tracing her roots since the 23rd of June 2016 and is “not surprised” to discover her Irish lineage. It is thought that May has been working to acquire an Irish passport since her appointment as Prime Minister, much to the dis-May of the parliament.
May has reportedly been receiving Irish language lessons for the last two years and plans on taking the Leaving Certificate examinations this summer, though her chances of passing are doubtful, as May is having trouble with her Sraithe Pictiur.
While May has not commented on the reports that she has employed a number of auctioneers for the appraisal of land in Northern Ireland, she has commented on her intentions to run for the Rose of Tralee.
“I think it’s time for the Rose of Tralee competition to become more diverse in terms of the ages and circumstances of its candidates. Furthermore, in this cultural climate, it is certainly time for the competition to become more politically charged,” May mentioned, after a cheeky bender in an alley in central Dublin, “Who better to change things up than the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom?”
It is widely believed that May’s example will be followed by the masses in the United Kingdom before the effects of Brexit are felt.