By Cormac McCarthy
The Oscars are due to be held on Sunday the 27th of March. The ceremony selects the best that the medium of film has to offer and gives them little gold men to celebrate. Although, admittedly, it’s quite hard to understand the prestige attached to the Academy Awards.
On one hand, It is as vacuous as any other award show. As Stewart Stafford once said, “The foundation of Hollywood alchemically turned celluloid into gold and insincerity into an art form.” The ceremony has had every accusation of gender, racial and age discrimination. The awards have seen their fair share of controversy, to say the least.
On the other hand, sometimes it’s just nice to watch millionaires give each other golden trophies for pretending to cry. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Here, I will attempt the possible and aim to get every single Oscar pick correct. To make it interesting for yourself reader, why don’t you write down your own picks and see if you get more correct than me. If you win, and manage to prove it, I’ll buy you a Freddo.
As a disclaimer, I will say that I have not watched all of these films. In fact, it is quite ridiculous for you to assume so. How dare you.
Best Picture – The Power of the Dog
This film chronicling the strained relationship of two brothers, framed against the tumultuous American West is so dripping in Oscar Bait it practically has it already won. It’s a shame because I thought Belfast was delightful.
Best Director – Jane Campion (Power of the Dog)
Similar to the previous entry, the trophy cabinet is already being installed in Campion’s home. Not only the raw talent on display in the film and the well overdue Oscar for Campion but a female director winning against a plethora of established male contenders would be a fantastic sight to see.
Best Actor – Will Smith (King Richard)
There is none quite as overdue for a nice Oscar win as Will Smith, although the alleged 40 million he earned for the film might be reward enough. This is his third nomination for Best Actor as well as having just won the SAG award two weeks ago. So yeah, my money’s on him.
Best Actress – Kristen Stewart (Spencer)
I’m going against the bookies on this one, but sure what do they know. Nicole Kidman may have impressed in her nuanced capabilities, and Jessica Chastain’s bizarre but brilliant performance is immaculate. However, Stewart’s portrayal as Princess Diana was nothing more than a revelation.
Best Screenplay (Original) – Paul Thomas Anderson (Licorice Pizza)
PTA has a triple nomination for Directing, Producing and Screenplay. After 11 nominations without a win, I would hazard that they might just give him one at this stage. Although I have been repeatedly told that I am in fact not in charge of who, I would have given it to Belfast.
Best Screenplay (Adapted) – Maggie Gyllenhaal (The Lost Daughter)
This one was the toughest pick. The Power of the Dog has its essence of Americana, Dune is the perfect manual on how to adapt science fiction, Drive My Car deals with grief through both the personal and universal. The Lost Daughter, I think, will just win by a hair for nothing other than being the best.
Best Animated Feature – Encanto
Certainly not the best but it does have the people’s vote. Luca and Mitchells vs the Machines are both beautifully animated and character-driven stories about family and identity. However, Encanto has the by-the-numbers magical girl so it’s a no brainer for betting.
Best International Feature – Drive My Car
A deserved winner in every regard. A critical and commercial darling, Coming off the back of a Golden Globe win in this category, Ryusuke Hamaguchi’s irreverent story that can’t quite be summarised here, takes you on a philosophical treatment of grief and love. The characters are as tangible as they are engaging and the plot never seems to drag.
Best Cinematography – Janusz Kaminski (West Side Story)
Bold, I know but I have my reasons. A film vibrant with colour but never once overwhelming, West Side Story might just win. Macbeth has its magnificent black and white and The Power of the Dog has its salivating shots of the rugged American rust, but West Side Story harkens back to a time when films looked more than a washed-out tapestry of grey.
Best Score – Hans Zimmer (Dune)
Good old Hans is back at it again and he’s outdone himself this time. Really he shouldn’t have. A marvel of a score that deserves to be listened to in proper surround sound in a good cinema, it is bombastic, majestic and exquisite. This is one where I’d be genuinely shocked if he didn’t win to be quite honest with you
Well, there we have it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fit in the full list as I have not seen enough of the films to warrant a proper judgement.
How did I do? How did you do yourself? Did you decide to go for West Side Story for Best Picture instead? You fool.
Email me to see how you did at email@example.com