Mystic Greg is ill today, so we’ve gotten a random intern of the cosmos to fill in. Yes, she is a cat. Aries (Mar 21st – Apr 19th) – O(+iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii +++++++++++++++============================ [Translation: I know I just ate, but milk is delicious, I demand more milk] Taurus (Apr 20th – May 20th) – ========================…
Aries (Mar 21st – Apr 19th) – The stars’ misty glare reveals a bright future for you…wait, no, it turns out that the o-zone gets so weak that the future is bright for everyone. Bummer. Lucky cream of the week: sunscreen, and a lot of it. Taurus (Apr 20th – May 20th) – Frankly I’m…
Aries (Mar 21st – Apr 19th) – I’m really sorry, I know this is tough, but it’s time to give up on [MALE CELEBRITY]. It’s getting awkward how much you stan [MALE CELEBRITY], you know what they did. Lucky gender of the week: Not men anyway, the rest have done less shitty things. Taurus (Apr…
Aries (Mar 21st – Apr 19th) – You will try to teach yourself the words to a Hanson song ‘As Gaeilge’ but there being no translation for ‘Mmmbop’ will be your downfall. Lucky band of the week: Nirvana. Taurus (Apr 20th – May 20th) – No matter how good the deals are, no matter how…
Aries (Mar 21st – Apr 19th) – A small man will challenge you to a fight outside Reardens. You only have a large trout at hand for some reason. Don’t worry, though you lose the fight, you win the war. Taurus (Apr 20th – May 20th) – You will come into great riches this week,…
Aries (Mar 21st – Apr 19th) – Welcome (back) to UCC! The stars have a lot in store for you this year, maybe, if you survive freshers week that is… lucky weird UCC legend of the week: the mummy Taurus (Apr 20th – May 20th) – Welcome (back) to UCC! The socially acceptable amount of…
Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – It’s valentine’s day, and for you the stars predict *drumroll* some romantic oral at the back of the 205. Lucky bus stop of the week: Donovans Road. Taurus (Apr. 20th – May 20th) – It’s valentine’s day, and for you the stars predict *drumroll* a relaxing night…
Aries (Mar. 21st – April 19th): The collective term for people of your sign is ‘Arian’. Say that out loud. Yeah… don’t organise a brotherhood for people of your sign and you should be fine. Taurus (April 20th – May 20th): You enter the ORB looking for ORB 1.89. You cannot find it. You take a left,…