UCC Sexpress Issue Two – Bedroom Barriers
Originally published in Issue 5 of the UCC Express, November 15th.
The last two weeks there has been lots of talk about barriers, and yes I’m referring to that huge wall that Trump has threatened to build, but some other barriers rarely get spoken about.
When we talk about safe sex we only seem to talk about condoms, when in reality safe sex is about all the other barriers. Things like gloves (yes those plastic gloves), dental dams, diaphragms, internal condoms, all the hormonal birth control (the pill, the patch, IUDs, Emergency Contraception etc.), vaccines, getting tested and getting treated, being emotionally comfortable, checking in on your partner, safe words, adapting to other people’s physical needs, listening, understanding your own body and understanding someone else’s.
Being safe doesn’t have to be a barrier and you don’t have follow one set of standards and rules; through learning and sex education you can both empower yourself and others to act in your best interests to make informed decisions.
If you have any interest in writing for the Sexpress, whether you want to tell people how to make a dental dam from a condom, your feminist theory of pornography, or about your experience with sextoys, email firstname.lastname@example.org. We look forward to hearing from you.
You asked our resident sexpert, she responded…
I just got diagnosed with an std, should I tell the people I have recently slept with even though we used protection?
As awkward as it may be, it is probably for the best. I don’t know what STI you have contracted, but certain ones such as gonorrhoea can have massive effects on fertility if left untreated. You will be doing the right thing if you tell them. Best of luck.
To whom it may concern,
So I’m riding a girl whose vagina is really small, like, ‘can’t fit a finger in there’ small. As much as I’d love to put it down to my “massive cock” it’s not that, it must be her vag.
I want to be as supportive as possible, and I obviously don’t want to do something that hurts her or makes her uncomfortable, but what can I do?
Have you tried lube? Seriously, do it, try it. Don’t use anything oil based, like baby oil or Vaseline because they can change the effectiveness of condoms, but anything else is good. Try other positions, her on top for starters. It might be worth asking her how she feels or if she has any suggestions?
I’ve been going out with this boy for a while now (we met in Chambers) and its been going well so far. I met his parents for the first time after a few months and I thought they looked familiar. But I figured I had just seen them about town.
Then I brought him home last week and my granny looked shocked. She told me later, turns out we’re distant cousins! Only me and my granny know, and it’s not really hurting anyone, so what do I do? I have no plans on getting pregnant, so it’s fine. Do I tell him?
Firstly, are you the girl from last week’s question? Secondly, it really depends on how distantly related you are and how uncomfortable that makes you. If you don’t see yourself with this person in the future is it worth staying with them now? How would you feel if your parents found out? Is it worth it? Again, I don’t know how closely related you are, but you questioning it makes it seem like you are uncertain about continuing the relationship. You have some thinking to do.
My friend thinks she might be pregnant but won’t go get a test, I’m really worried about her, what should I do?
Pregnancy scares can be very worrying, the right thing you can do is support her to the best of your ability. Maybe she is scared to buy the test herself, if so, you could offer to to buy it for her? It can be a scary time and often the person is afraid of knowing the answer, but in the long run you’re better off knowing sooner rather than later as you will have more options.
If you have any burning questions (or ‘burning’ anything else) you want our resident Sexpert to answer or help you with, go to uccexpress.ie/sexpress or email email@example.com.
Sex Myth or Sex Fact?
“Most people with STI’s don’t get symptoms”
- Fact! Studies have shown that most people don’t know they have an STI. Herpes, gonorrhea, chlaymida and hpv more often don’t present any symptoms. So just because you don’t experience any itching, pussing, oozing or any other stereotypical symptom, does not mean that you are safe. If any of this worries you, you can get tested for free at the Student Health Services on College Road. Hurrah.
“Bisexual people cannot be committed in a monogamous relationship”
- Not only is this hurtful and biphobic, it is also very untrue. There has always been myths that being bisexual makes you greedy and being attracted to more than one gender means you are more likely to cheat. This is a complete myth. A person’s sexual orientation has nothing to do with their ability to be monogamous.
“Men can orgasm without ejaculating”
- This is entirely true, and is commonly known as a ‘dry orgasm’. Often this can be due to certain illnesses and injuries but people with strong kegel muscles or those who are involved with the ancient eastern practice of Tantric sex can stop ejaculation. In fact those who practice tantric sex can apparently have multiple orgasms and decide when they want to ejaculate.