I write this with that niggling voice in the back of my mind which screams about college work. It keeps reminding me that I have an essay due and two exams to study for. This voice is easily silenced with alcohol, food, tv, the internet. It’s easy to ignore really is what I’m getting at. Silencing the nerd within me who craves nothing more than to sit in the library and hand in her essay early has become a carefully crafted talent of mine. I’ve sat at home feeling “bored” nights before essays due and mornings of exams. My motivation to study equals zero. At the same time I find myself craving a 1:1. Conflicting ideas really.
I can honestly say in my 4th year of college I’ve yet to hand in an essay early or even not on the exact hour its due. I’ve never had a full night sleep before an exam either seeing as I leave majority if not the whole course to study the night before. And the thing is I have yet to fail anything.
I know you may be cursing me right now. I am one of “those” students. I don’t go to all of my lectures. I don’t read anything off the secondary reading list, I’m lucky to read the primary texts. The only fish-bowl I know of contains a cocktail. I’ve never had a re-sit in the summer. I spend my April days creeping by the Loch or sleeping while others sweat in the library. I do so little yet I’ve still managed to make it to my final year averaging a 2:1 each year. Now I definitely know I’m beginning to sound awful cocky. But I’m not trying to make you hate me. I’m trying to convince myself to actually start doing work.
My fortune can only last so much longer. I have pushed my luck as far as it can go surely? I usually rely on my short term memory to last me through exams. And I rely on caffeine to get me through essays and an innate ability to bullshit an absurd amount.
Watching friends graduate recently has hit me with the realisation that yes this is in fact my last year. Hopefully. I need to get my act together and yet still I see myself sitting writing this with the full intention of going out after it. And I intend on going out tomorrow night as well. This brings me into the weekend where I’ll be working. Which brings me to Monday when I have an exam. Am I panicked yet? No. Why? I don’t understand and never will understand it. I actually think my brain is missing an “academic panic” section. Never in my academic career have I genuinely been worried enough about an exam of any sort to put in a substantial amount of effort in studying.
This is no shock to my parents or friends who have seen me coast along academically. I’m a coaster and am destined to be so. No matter how much I tell myself that yes I am going to change, every week will be a golden week, all the books will be read and all the essays handed in early, it’s not going to happen. I should just accept my fate and see if I can coast to the end of this year and attain some sort of degree. I realise this is terrible advice to be giving other students but hey, if it’s not broken don’t fix it!