home Colour, News Presidential candidates propose radical Zombie Apocalypse contingency plan | Kevin O’Neill

Presidential candidates propose radical Zombie Apocalypse contingency plan | Kevin O’Neill

The release of the Iniscarra Dam is essential to the survival of the student body in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, according to Presidential candidate Colm Collins. The rising flood waters, though devastating to parts of the outlying UCC campus such as the Western Gateway Building, would provide the necessary protection for the main campus.

Marcus Yarrow insisted the key to survival was spreading the word via the incident control room to prominent people on campus who could, in turn, inform students. This was something echoed by Communications candidates Joel Carey and Owen Kirby.

Collins also pressed the importance of armed guards along the borders of the campus on O’Donovan’s Road and College Road, as the rampaging hoards would inevitably wander downhill toward the main campus. He also suggested that a number of trigger happy students could happily take up prominent positions along the east and west flanks of the campus to ensure protection.

“The recent Zombie outbreak during RAG Week highlighted some major flaws”, according to Presidential candidate Mark Stanton. “There weren’t many people who survived that so, along with some other important drills such as fire drills… are really, really important.”

Padraig Houghney proposed an opposing strategy, indicating that remaining in a highly populated area could lead to the downfall of the student body and suggested that evacuation, possibly to a castle, was the best hope of survival.

Deputy candidates Annie Hoey and Aisling O’Hagan stressed their ability to adapt and take over the Commander-in-Chief Presidential role should the President be unable to do so, while Education candidate Peter Kiernan-McCarthy indicated that knowledge was key to survival and that educating the student body and how to avoid infection would be essential to the survival of the student body. His opponent Gavin Lynch-Frahill referred to the question as “ludicrous” and refused to answer it, stating that he’d rather discuss his election policies instead.

The sabbatical candidates were questioned on this topic as part of the UCC Express hustings on Monday evening. Check uccexpress.net over the coming days for further updates.