home Creative Writing, Humour Nun gives up Catholicism for Lent

Nun gives up Catholicism for Lent

Any other morning you would be apt to find Sister Mary O’Leary kneeling down in preparation for Morning Prayer. Not this Easter, however, as she has taken it upon herself to give up religion… for the 40 days of Lent that is. Previous years she has struggled through the usual platitudes of no Taytos, no chocolate, no eavesdropping on Fr. McCarthy’s confessional appointments, but this year she believes she’s truly made the ultimate offering:

“Well when you think about it, there is no greater sacrifice one can make than giving up eternal salvation, so really I’m having the ultimate Lenten experience,” the 63-year-old Mayo native said while eating Creme Eggs and playing FIFA.

For those of you who are ignorant to the ways of the one true God, Lent is like a religious feat of endurance in which one must test their liturgical mettle by way of abstinence. As you can imagine, this creates fierce rivalry between the various members of the clergy and can frequently result in ‘Lent offs’, with Sr. O’Leary’s local convent being no different.

This creates fierce rivalry between the various members of the clergy and can frequently result in ‘Lent offs’.

However many of her fellow nuns have grown jealous of what they deem to be “not in the spirit of lent.” Sr. Amy Deacon was particularly outspoken, stating that, “If God is up there, he’s disgusted with the state of her. Well, I mean he’s definitely up there like; it’s just a figure of speech.”

Last year’s Lent experience at the Sisters of the Divine Injustice Convent was unfortunately soured when an ambulance was called to treat one Sr. Nora Behan for hypoxia. The perhaps over-zealous sister had vowed to give up oxygen for the whole 40 days but only just managed to last a bare two hours before collapsing from lack of air. It was a shocking disappointment for all involved and she was understandably shunned for breaking her Lenten oath. Of course, she was eventually forgiven once she had atoned for her transgression with 12 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers.

It seems pertinent at this point to warn any readers who have been worked into a religious flurry by this story that these individuals are trained professionals. It may seem like a bit of fun to give up something as a symbol of your religious devotion but these extremes must not be emulated. The Vatican has similarly expressed concerns, urging those who do feel like taking part to “stick to giving up the crisps” and be sure to “break your fast once every few days if possible.” May the rest of you have an enjoyable Easter, and be sure to get a good egg before they’re all sold out.