My sleeping pattern is in absolute bits, has been for a while, but it’s never felt like something I could just fix with the click of my fingers – setting early alarms, exercising, going to bed earlier, etc; all proved no good. See, the issue I have is that the second my sleepy head hits a pillow it comes alive. It’s like getting into a time machine once I wrap myself in bed sheets, all I can think about is everything that’s happened in the past and where I’m going in the future, but that’s the root of my problems: I don’t live in either of those places, I’m here but I am not in the now.
I’m not sure if all this relates to anyone else, but it probably falls under the whole overthinking thing, and the worst place for that is when it is just you and your head battling to rest. I’m not sure if people are haunted by the past or scared of the spectre that is the future more, but I know the easiest fix for anything is to forget all that and just live in the present, but that’s easier said than done. I think it’s similar to an addiction, either replaying scenarios over and over in your head and thinking what could have been different, or else simulating what’s to come and how perfect it could be even if you know it can’t happen. We strive for perfection, and can’t tell ourselves that’s not possible, but we can imagine what that must feel like.
I’m not saying that the past and the future are terrible, don’t think about them – but if it reaches a point where things revolve around them then something needs to give, you need to give your attention to what’s actually happening right now. Living in the present can sometimes feel powerless because things you might want to do but can’t, but it is what it is, nothing can be done about it right now so don’t try. I think self-control is such an important trait to have, and it’s something I thought I kind of had until recently – self-control keeps you in check and regularly reminds you that you should accept the way things are. Time can come across as a punishment, but it gives us time to enjoy things that are special and that we can cherish, having what feels like the greatest feeling in the world every day quickly stops being the greatest feeling. Trying to experience where you are now gives some context to where you’re going without obsessing over that destination.
Everyone feels a range of emotions, but fantasizing over what’s happened or what could happen traps you with these emotions – we’ve just got to let go. I find that people are inherently negative mostly, so when it comes to feelings, we hang onto what we’d rather not feel longer than what we would. It’s so easy to say just let go and look at where you actually are, but it is the truth and only real way out. Our head sometimes acts as a washing machine that makes the loudest noises, and it’s hard to ignore them, but if we tell the truth to ourselves maybe that’ll die down the sound.
This article is as much a message to me as it is to anyone who might be reading this, and who knows, maybe my sleeping pattern and mind will go back to being friends like straight after I finish this article? – but it’s the honesty of knowing that it isn’t good to only focus on anywhere but now. Understand the past to the best of your ability and try to control the future, but don’t become obsessed with either! We always have to think of the path ahead and what got us here in the first place, but don’t forget the feet you’re using to walk and what you’re walking on because if don’t watch our steps who knows where we’ll end up?