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Local woman struggles to find anything nice to say about co-worker

A local woman has admitted to finding it extremely difficult to find anything nice to say about her co-worker, our sources have revealed.

Mary Kiely (22), an employee at a popular Cork-based café chain, has been working alongside Pat McGee (24) for over three months. Speaking to our reporter, Miss Kiely revealed that she is under “enormous pressure” to behave “civilly” towards Mr. McGee, as her other co-workers don’t seem to have a problem with him.

“There’s just something about him,” she explained in hushed tones. “Everybody thinks he’s lovely, but there’s just something about him that I don’t like.”

According to Mary, the greatest difficulty tends to come while on break with other co-workers, who seem intent on singing the praises of Pat McGee. Hidden microphones picked up on phrases such as “great craic”, “lovely young fella” and “so genuine” used in conversation in reference to Mr. McGee.

“Oh, he’s a character, alright!” Mary Kiely was quoted as saying. “Specifically, that one character you really want the author to kill off, but he keeps coming back. Chapter after chapter. There he is.”

Mary explained that revealing her dislike for her co-worker may turn her into a social pariah, and that she fears being labelled “petty”. She therefore feels obliged to pay him compliments when others do so, and has referred to the situation as an “existential crisis”.

“But, y’know, he can make a great cup of coffee!” Mary adds, raising her voice as a regular customer walks past. “When the mood takes him, that is.”

An undercover reporter posing as a customer attempted to interact with Pat McGee, to discover whether or not Miss Kiely’s behaviour was justified. She described Mr. McGee as being “very pleasant, but I think she’s right; there’s just something about him”.

“Oh, sure it’s great working here,” Pat revealed to the reporter during conversation. He was noted as maintaining a permanent smile throughout. “It just challenges me in the right way, y’know? Being able to give back to the community is what I thrive on, and being in a leadership position allows me to step outside of my comfort zone.” Pat paused here to remind Miss Kiely, who was mopping the floor, that one of the tables had yet to be cleaned.

“He definitely has leadership qualities,” Mary noted once Mr McGee had left. “I mean, look at the way he takes charge of literally any situation he finds himself in, regardless of whether he needs to or not. And he’s only condescending when there are customers listening!”

Unfortunately for Mary Kiely, she is likely to be sharing a workspace with Pat McGee for the foreseeable future. When approached for a closing statement, she had the following to say.

“I suppose he’s grand at the end of the day – because that’s when I get to go home and I don’t have to interact with him anymore.”