BREAKING- Man dies of dehydration after taking ‘Dry January’ too literally.
ENTERTAINMENT- BP Oil cast as Villain for ‘Aquaman 2’.
TECHNOLOGY- Spotify to employ most annoying prick you know to make ads to force you to go premium.
LIFESTYLE- UCC student still excommunicated from home after asking for ‘Vegan Christmas dinner’.
CRIME- Cork dentist charged after hundreds of pictures of ‘Baby Teeth’, were discovered on his computer. Sick Bastard.
BREAKING- Dozens of Law students drop out as they realise it’s not like ‘Legally Blonde’.
BUSINESS- Cork County Council and corrupt landlords team up to create new ‘Slums for Student’s’ initiative.
ENTERTAINMENT- R-Kelly rumoured to be top pick for new The Den presenter.