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Express It

Dear ExpressIt,

Recently I have come under undeserving scrutiny from my friends for my interactions with the opposite sex. I have had the same group of friends through all of secondary school and we weren’t exactly the most out going bunch, but the way I see it is college is all about expressing yourself and having fun. I just don’t think its fair that I am being called ‘easy’ and ‘a slut’ for having fun. What should I do? – FeelingSlutty

He says: The way it seems to me is your friends are prudes. You are perfectly correct with the view you have on college. Sure, one goal of going to college is to get a good degree which then allows you to get a nice cushy desk job and rake in the cash for the rest of your life, unless you do arts which means you will be doing countless essays for 3 years to enable you to have the option to pay 6 grand for another year of essays which might get you an okay job. But we also go to college to grow and express the person we are. When we enter college we have just finished 6 grueling years of embarrassment and awkwardness, classes from 9-4 leading to what we were meant to believe was the single most important moment in our lives. So we all deserve to let our hair down, relax and express who we are. In school you may not have been able to do this because you have one set of friends and if you alienate them then you are screwed, but there are over 18,000 students in UCC, it would be impossible not to find a group you fit in with here. So if you are simply friends with these people because you went to school with them then you should start thinking about maybe finding a new group of friends that don’t judge you so easily and you actually get on with. If you do end up making a new group of friends and they also call you a slut then my advice would be to become friends with any group of women who live on College Rd. The slutiness of the female inhabitants is the stuff of legends so no matter how bad you actually are you won’t even come close to touching the levels these women have reached.

She says:  Maybe, and this is just a thought, but maybe you should stop acting slutty and then your friends wouldn’t be calling you such things? You say these are your friends for the past five years so I’m going to assume that they are only looking out for you and are not throwing these terms around maliciously. Fair enough if you want to go out, express yourself and have fun, that’s any students aim but at what expense? You have to wonder if your friends are calling you such things then what are others saying about you who don’t have your best interests at heart.  Ever hear the saying “A key that opens many locks is called a master key, a lock opened by many keys is a pretty shitty lock.” Unfair as this is you have two choices as I see it. You can continue your parade of shifts and what not and ignore what your friends say about you. This will more than likely result in you losing these friends but I’m sure you will find suitable promiscuous replacements. Or you can slow down your antics and earn a bit more respect for yourself. Either way just always use protection!

Dear Expressit,

I’ve had this “friends with benefits” situation going with this chick for a while now and I’ve started developing more feelings for her. I don’t think she’s got the same feelings for me but I don’t want to lose her either. Also the sex is amazing! – BootyCallLove                                                                                                                                                                                                     

He says: See, this is the thing about friends with benefits arrangements; they almost always end with one person developing feelings for the other. Everyone would think it would be the girl who would develop feelings but not all of us guys are emotionless meatheads, so it’s only natural that you would. You are now in a very delicate situation though that needs to be handled carefully. The way I see it is if she is going out and getting with a load of different other guys then I am afraid to say that she more than likely doesn’t feel the same way about the whole situation as you do. Your best bet here would be to call off the arrangement ye have and steer clear of her for a few weeks. It will be tough at first but you will know deep down it will be for the best. During this time you can get over the situation and find a girl who actually likes you and doesn’t want to use you simply as a self esteem boost. If you don’t have such clear evidence that she isn’t into you and you are simply afraid then you have to chance your arm and tell her the truth. The worst that can happen is you learn for a fact that she isn’t into you and you can move on. You will have to decide yourself which way to play it because I don’t exactly have a lot of information from you but just promise me that you wont keep going the way you are at the moment, you are just torturing yourself doing it. Best of luck with it my man and I hope it all works out.

She says: Can I start by saying that it is refreshing to hear a guy admitting his feelings for once. I commend your honesty to admit you like this girl for more than just sex. But I also feel the need to point out that this is so typical of a guy by thinking he can have his cake and eat it too. I’m going to dish the tough love here and tell you that if you don’t think she has the same feelings for you then she probably doesn’t. Girls tend not to be so subtle about these things. However, I need to question how strong your feelings are because from what I can gather from you, you claim to have deep feelings for this girl and yet you don’t want to lose her because the sex is good? So what you’re saying is that you would be happy to continue the friends with benefits situation rather than risk loosing her altogether. You need to sort your feelings out man! You either risk it or tell her how you feel. By doing this you either loose the great sex and be left alone with just your pillow to cuddle, or you may find yourself one half of a happy couple. Or you continue your current situation and enjoy the ride (pun fully intended). I have a slight feeling that your judgment is being impaired by this girls power over your manhood. You need to take off your sex-goggles and decide if you like this girl or just her skills in the bedroom