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Everyone is Judging You All the Time. Really.

Just Stop Wearing Hollister, Please

Ah, college: the place where you don’t have to wear a uniform anymore, so you can wear the exact same style of clothes as everyone else instead. It’s a sort of tribalism, really, the different ways people dress – like an American high school show, but with more drinking, and worse teeth: the sea of club jerseys and O’Neills pants coming out of a Boole 3 lecture in something that will lead to a career in teaching; the swathes of preppy Law and Med students who are going to make more money than you ever will; the resurgent Scene Kids who will wear a parka when it’s 25 degrees outside, preparing them for the heat of a life behind a coffee machine in a bespoke cafe; the hipsters who haven’t got the memo that it’s not cool anymore… the list goes on and on.

You can deal with all this, I mean, it’s like school, except instead of everyone having to slightly modify the same uniform, you clearly see from a distance which social group is full of people that you would immediately detest. And if anyone tells you that, like, you ‘shouldn’t judge people on their appearances’ – they’re right, you shouldn’t, but you absolutely will. The most noticeable group of these are the ‘Hollister Crew’. You can notice them because they actually unironically call themselves that, and they wear a set of clothes that is designed for Southern California.

That’s it, though: Hollister is a city in California, and you’re wearing clothes that are supposed to be designed for there… in Ireland, an island that is definitely not in California. It’s also made by Abercrombie and Fitch, and the guy who runs that is mostly famous for saying that unattractive people should not wear his clothes, so I’m sorry to say that you’re supporting a dickhead by wearing the clothes that are designed to be a slightly SoCal cheap knockoff of Abercrombie and Fitch. I’m not against branded clothes, but I am against obnoxiously branded clothes. Like, a pair of Umbros with the logo on the upper thigh, sure. I don’t think there’s such a thing as tasteful tracksuit pants, but you can try. Having ‘Hollister’ branded all over you is like being a walking billboard, except you paid for the privilege, and you’re not famous enough for it to be cool.

I mean, you’re wearing an outfit that is at best uninspired, but still something you put effort into, because no one is that Faux Preppy by chance. It’s not even a very cheap knockoff of actual Abercrombie: it’s just too middling in every possible metric to be worthwhile. Just commit to a pair of leggings that say ‘swag’ from Penneys. You’ll be just as bleh, but with more money for cans. If you’re going to put some effort into an outfit that doesn’t actually do anything interesting, at least make it cheap as can be. C’mon.

All of this doesn’t apply to nurses. You guys can wear whatever you want; you deserve it.