If the headline is news to you, I’m sorry: it must be rough waking up for a 61-year coma. Doubly rough if your name is Ed Wood. If you’re a normal, young person in 2017, I probably need to explain that Bela Lugosi was a classic actor from the 20s and 30s, most famous for playing Dracula. He later went on to star in a number of infamous Z-movie director Ed Wood’s films. The reason I bring him up because it’s getting closer to Halloween – the spooky season – and also because the song Bela Lugosi’s Dead by Bauhaus is stuck in my bloody head as I edit this issue. Seriously, it’s like ten minutes long, proper good background listen at least.
I know that I’m in a small, tiny minority when I say that I’ve never much cared for Halloween. I know, I know: I’m some October Grinch, and I constantly yell “Bah Samhain-bug”…okay, it doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘Bah Humbug’. Anyway, you can change your Twitter name to “Spoopy Alan” all you want, it doesn’t make it a better holiday, Janet! I just don’t get the hype. As we get further into October, the weather gets harsher, it gets colder and things get icy. If you’ve never had a serious injury or broken a bone, let me tell you: cold weather fucking sucks.
But I’m trying to not be so negative. As long as I don’t die in some ultra specific, weird off accident between now and then, I’m going to try enjoy Halloween more. Whether that’s watching more scary movies (I do not like scary movies) this year, going to more parties or making more of an effort to dress up (no more Blues Brother/Beatles for me!), I’m going to try. If you have any tips on how to spice up my Halloween, feel free to send them on. If ye don’t help me I’m just going to end up sitting in a carpark outside Blarney listening to The Cure again… “woof go the underwear” my arse…
I’ve still got some space here, and I’ve exhausted all my stories about echidna penises. If you don’t typically check out the news (but you read our editorials?), there’s two stories you need to check out that we couldn’t get to. The Catalan, a region “in” Spain that contains, among other cities, Barcelona, is on the verge of declaring its independence. They held a referendum last week which was marred by violent “clashes” with police. And by clashes, I mean the civil guard of Spain was used to suppress democracy through use of force. The other story is that island of Puerto Rico is beyond fucked, and the US is doing nothing. I’d be more poetic about it, but there’s no time – they’re that fucked. Go to unidosporpuertorico.com to donate, if you can – they really need it.