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Clutching at Straws for Coalition?

To use an old cliché, unless you have been living under a rock, by now you’ll have learned that Theresa May’s Conservative government and the Democratic Unionist Party of Northern Ireland have decided to form a coalition government.

I’ve written a few paragraphs in my time but that last statement might be the most far-fetched. Strong words when you bear in mind I dabbled in Science Fiction for some time. You see, in case the hypocrisy of the aforementioned statement is not self-explanatory, please allow me. Theresa May has spent the entirety of her campaign labeling her far more dignified adversary Jeremy Corbyn “a supporter of terrorism,” so it would now be in Theresa May’s best interest to google the DUP before she enters into a business partnership with them. Mrs May will be alarmed to learn that the DUP have done far worse in their history than run through a wheat field without the farmer’s permission. As well as this the DUP, lead by Arlene Foster, states in their mandate on Economy that they would like the ‘Triple-Lock’ on pensions to be retained, which completely contradicts one of the Conservatives most controversial manifesto pledges. More evidence that Theresa May is clutching at straws in order to retain power.

The DUP’s manifesto reads as though it has recently been dug up by an archaeologist, and Arlene Foster has scribbled her signature in biro on the bottom and handed it in to Stormont. It is archaic. It is 2017, yet the DUP are anti-LGBT, anti-Abortion, anti-Catholic and were pro-Apartheid. These are facts. Look it up for yourself. Mrs Foster must have fallen off her chair when she realised we have a gay, mixed race, catholic doctor as our new Taoiseach in the Republic. Having read their manifesto, it is almost impossible to believe that this is a political party operating in the 21st century. This, coupled with the Conservatives’ viewpoint on fox-hunting, really makes for nightmarish stuff for the people of Britain. In Theresa May’s defence she didn’t realise the DUP existed until she made possibly the worst decision in history by calling for an election, the worst surely since we sent Dustin to the Eurovision. She believed that by calling the snap election she would strengthen her political hand, proof that she misconstrued her popularity. She instead found herself with a hung parliament and her political hand in a sling, propped up by Arlene Foster.

Labour under Jeremy Corbyn has grown exponentially. Throughout his campaign he was articulate, and the mandate of his party was clear & precise (and clearly written this century). Above all this, Mr Corbyn at the very least appears genuine. He seems to be genuinely concerned for the people of Britain instead of personal gain. His popularity was evident in the amount of seats Labour gained in this referendum. Popularity and growth comparable only to that of Sinn Féin, both North and South of the border under the guidance of Gerry Adams. To sum up, the DUP are the political version of stubbing your toe. We’ve all done it. Remember how painful it felt? Now imagine signing a legally binding document that required you to stub your toe at least once a day for the foreseeable future. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Theresa May’s coalition government.