Conspiracy Corner: What is a ‘Leitrim’?

County Leitrim is renowned for its lack of offensiveness, and the fact that it is a thing that exists… or does it? Conspiracy theorists have today claimed that our favourite easily-forgettable Connacht county may not be the sheep haven that we always knew it to be. Controversial evidence suggests that in the late 1800’s, county…

Friends with Menefits

The atmosphere is tense tonight in apartment 63 of Castlewhite after what should have been a standard Thursday night out turned into a nightmare from which no one could escape. Sean Eagen and Robert O’Conner had been best friends since birth, and even before birth, that’s how fucking tight these lads are. Sat beside each…

Patriotic Arts Student Fails English

Christmas exam results were released last week, and while many students were hoping for high grades, or at very least a pass, one man couldn’t care less. Michael Leary, a first-year arts student, failed all of his subjects, but failed one more spectacularly than the others; Mr. Leary somehow secured minus 10%, making him the…

‘Doing a Few Bits’ to be banned

The term ‘doing bits’, the preferred term to describe the doing of inane and generally uninteresting activities, has been banned. This ban comes as a result of widespread irritation across Ireland, with many old fogies and bitter youths with nothing better to aim their inexplicable ever-burning angst at reporting sky-rocketing stress levels whenever ‘bits’ are…

International Student Wins Best Dressed

An international student has been voted Best Dressed at their 9am lecture. Hana Amori, 20, from the Doshisha University in Kyoto, received the award after showing up to her early morning Psychology lecture in a designer skirt, a ‘nice top’ and heeled boots- all after a full night of drinking and everything. Amori was even…

Who wants to be a Million-Eir?

Has your generosity known no bounds this RAG Week? Have you already gone over budget? Have you already experienced that sinking feeling of dismay when you check your account and it flashes 0.00? Would you like to know how you can reap some of what you have sown and receive generously? Would you like me…

Express Tries: Fighting a Bouncer

While speaking to a friend the other day, I was given a revelation. We spoke about the trials and tribulations of nights out, lamenting the tragedy of being underage in Cork. I’m twenty now, but given that the age of entry for most places in Cork is as unpredictable and endlessly fluctuating as the stock…

Pint Glass Theft on the Rise

The Gardaí have reported that pint glass theft is now at an all-time high. Threat levels were raised to level Rebel Red in response to the recent surge in pint glass pilfering. Sergeant Murphy, of the Banter Buster Unit located near Bridewell Garda Station, had this to say: “I am sick of all you little…

Operation Two Birds One Stone

After months of debating, planning and ducking the question, The Irish Government, today revealed their plan to deal with the growing homeless crisis. “Sick of people freezing to death on our streets?” The Taoiseach asked outside the Dáil earlier this month, “Sick of wind and rain and having to wear extra layers? Don’t worry, I’ve…