Sean is great craic. Always up for the sesh, no matter what. He lives on College Road and is the life of the party, but recently he’s been acting a bit strange. This article will help you decide if he’s just having a laugh, or if his body is a conduit for Satan. Speaking in…

There was widespread shock and revulsion in the Vegan community of Ireland as recent tests found Human DNA in “Pompous Pear” ready meals. The affected meals were recalled quickly but the damage was done; Vegans all over Ireland had ingested human flesh. “We really have no idea how this happened,” A spokesperson for the company…

There was widespread shock in the scientific community of Ireland today as the creature was discovered. The cryptid, long thought to be a myth, was found living in the sink of apartment 63 of Victoria Lodge. It appears the poisonous atmosphere of the sink was the perfect breeding ground for such a monster. Brenda Courtney,…

A comprehensive list of this years scariest, and sexiest costumes. Sexy Michael D → This one is self-explanatory. What a beast. A Brexit → A white vest, bald cap and a union jack. Finish of with a warm can of Stella for authenticity. Rejected Susi Letter → The scariest thing any student can think of. Global warming → A…

A study published yesterday from UCC has revealed the health benefits of Vaping versus smoking. The study, sponsored by Sickcool Vapez ltd, was conclusive in its findings, not only is Vaping better than smoking, it’s actually better than fresh air. Ian Horrigan, a PhD student responsible for the study explained the results, in between bouts…

[DISCLAIMER]- This interview is not verbatim as Hurley mumbled quite a lot. Lil Hurley, formerly known as Lil Boi, Mc Langer or just Simon Jones, is Cork’s hottest new rapper. In a bid to stay relevant and hip wiv da kidz, The University Express sent me to see what this Soundcloud sensation is all about….

CRIME – Brett Kavanaugh appointed to tackle sexual assault in UCC under new ‘Takes one to know one’ initiative. CULTURE – UCC student ends racism by watching Get Out with Black Roommate. OPINION – How do I tell someone their new baby is fuck ugly? BUSINESS – Tesla stocks jump 40% as Elon Musk shoots…

The Government today unveiled its new 3 step plan to tackle the mental health problems that plague the young people of Ireland. This plan is extensive, thorough and sure to solve this complex problem. “With this move, we are showing that the Government of Ireland is committed to helping young people understand and overcome their…

Ireland has fallen. Less than 10% of the population remain.  We live like rats. Hidden underground in bunkers around the country, watching reruns of ‘The Late Late Show’ on repeat and surviving on stale Tayto’s. How did we get here? Ann Kerin, an original survivor remembers, “I saw my husband get taken,” She shudders as…