Local Woman Wages War on Germs

A local woman has recently declared war on the vicious cold germs infecting her body. Theresa Sheehan, 29, from Shamrock Lawn, says she is prepared to take her cold-fighting strategies to the extreme if necessary. Sheehan noticed the warning signs of a cold beginning late last week, when she began to sneeze and cough at…

The Shite Vegetarian’s Guide

I’m a shite vegetarian. I’m actually not even sure if I can call myself a vegetarian – ‘tarian might be more appropriate, considering the vast majority of what I eat is frozen meat substitutes anyway (Rest in Power, Linda McCartney, you’re the only reason I’m not clinically malnourished). Basically, I am, in terms of vegetarianism,…

That Time My Cat Broke Up With Me

Break-ups are tough. They’re even worse when your significant other just ups and leaves with no explanation, as is the case with the increasingly popular method of ghosting or, with cats. Notorious for their independent, selfish ways, love them or hate them, cats give a special type of affection. I’d compare them to fuckboys, but…

The Five Stages of a Night Out

I’m no psychologist, but I did accidentally walk into a psychology lecture during freshers week so you know what? I am a psychologist (take that Freud, you dirty old perv) and today I will be speaking to you all about my stunning new theory. It’s one that I’m sure will make waves in the community,…

The Art of Seduction

Along with the semester starting to settle its way into a steady routine for most students, one of the most important occasions of the year comes around once again. The annual ‘Fresher Grabbing’ festival, which I have just now been informed has never actually been called that, and apparently isn’t the correct collective name for…