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Category: Horoscopes

Horoscopes With Mystic Greg (March 14th)

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Horoscopes
Posted on March 14, 2017March 13, 2017

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – The stars wish to ask you “what’s cooler than being cool?” They said “ICE COL-” Lucky lawsuit of the week: Copyright infringement.   Taurus (Apr. 20th – May 20th) – It’s ball season, so remember, you may be able to hide your sneaky naggin, but you’ll never be…

Horoscopes with Medium Phil (Pancake Tuesday)

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Horoscopes
Posted on March 1, 2017March 1, 2017

It’s Ash Wednesday, but I wrote these ‘Pancake Tuesday’ so pretend it’s Tuesday and gather ‘round children and stuff yer gobs with these juicy ‘scopes (it’s what we call horoscopes now, it’s shorter, it saves time, you’ll love it). Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – I gaze deeply into the stars, and they tell…

Horoscopes with Mystic Greg – Valentine’s Day 2017

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Horoscopes
Posted on February 14, 2017February 14, 2017

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – It’s valentine’s day, and for you the stars predict *drumroll* some romantic oral at the back of the 205. Lucky bus stop of the week: Donovans Road.   Taurus (Apr. 20th – May 20th) – It’s valentine’s day, and for you the stars predict *drumroll* a relaxing night…

Horoscopes With Mystic Greg

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Byline Horoscopes
Posted on February 6, 2017January 30, 2017

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – The stars are telling me something… I can’t quite make it out… something about you being… a heckin’ cool dude. Lucky accessory of the week: Some heckin’ cool sunglasses   Taurus (Apr. 20th – May 20th) – Maybe someday we’ll learn that by punching nazis, we were the…

Horoscopes with Medium Phil

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Byline Horoscopes
Posted on January 26, 2017January 14, 2017

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – As Mercury is in retrograde, some bad shit is about to go down. Your sports team will lose, the sky will turn a nuclear shade of green and you’ll stub your pinky. Bummer. Lucky item of the week: Don’t bother mate, you’re already fucked, just try survive the…

Horoscopes with Mystic Greg

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Byline Horoscopes Humour
Posted on December 2, 2016December 2, 2016

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – I know the stars make a lot of fascism based jokes at the expense of your sign, but they’re now desperately imploring you to ignore all that and embrace Full Communism. Lucky website of the week: The WikiHow article on how to become a Communist. Taurus (Apr 20th…

Horoscopes with Mystic Greg

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Byline Horoscopes Humour
Posted on November 17, 2016November 14, 2016

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – You get a fresh new haircut this week that really matches your star sign. Is that a good thing? Consider the collective term for people of your sign and get back to me on that Lucky winter accessory of the week: A hat to hide your fresh new…

Horoscopes with Medium Phil

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Byline Horoscopes Humour
Posted on November 11, 2016November 3, 2016

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – Alright, we get it, you ironically love shit chicken: no matter how many times you call it “cheeky” it won’t wash away the sins Lucky sauce of the week: Anything but Peri Peri Taurus (Apr. 20th – May 20th) – Dude, give up the hentai. This is a…

Horoscopes with Mystic Greg

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Byline Horoscopes Humour
Posted on October 24, 2016October 20, 2016

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – You’ve gotta stop shifting all around you on nights out, dude. The cold sore virus can be carried by anyone Your song of the week: Enola Gay – OMD Lucky number: √π Taurus (Apr. 20th – May 20th) – Someone you’re close to will come out unexpectedly as…

Horoscopes with Mystic Greg

By Mystic Greg   Posted in Byline Horoscopes
Posted on October 3, 2016October 4, 2016

Aries (Mar. 21st – Apr. 19th) – SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME that Shrek was first released 15 years ago. Fucking hell. Taurus (Apr. 20th – May 20th) – If you walk backwards across the quad you’ll pass every exam you ever sit. This isn’t proven or anything, but Jupiter reckons it’s worth a shot. Gemini…

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