Authorities have recently re-opened Oliver Plunkett Street to the public after a bomb scare in popular cosmetics shop, Lush, caused chaos early this week.
The bombs, believed to be of the bath variety, were described by customers as “suspicious-looking”, “round”, and having a “pleasant smell that [they] just didn’t trust”. Reports have claimed that the shop in question was carrying hundreds of the small, inconspicuous-looking weapons of mass destruction, which activate upon coming into contact with water.
The threat gained public attention following the Christmas period, when thousands of ‘edgy’ youths began to post images of the bombs on social media, often coupled with ominous comments such as “couldn’t help myself!” and “bath bombs for life”. Believing this to be yet another example of counter-culture, government agencies largely ignored the issue until receiving reports from across the country that the young people were deploying the bombs in their own homes. This led to a complete disruption of services in Oliver Plunkett Street as shops belonging to the cosmetics chain known as Lush were raided by Garda bomb disposal units nationwide.
In a statement following the raid, Enda Kenny assured the public that, if re-elected, Fine Gael would continue to take a firm stance on threats of this nature.
“Sure, some would call it an ‘overreaction’. Some would describe this so-called Lush place as a shining example of ethical trade and practice, and possibly the least likely international terrorist organisation in the country. But, at the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves – if Britain can detain a child for a misspelling the word ‘terraced’ as ‘terrorist’, can we not deploy a few special forces to raid a little shop every now and then?”
Employees of the chain have defended their actions, describing the highly destructive bath bombs as “not at all dangerous”, “cute” and “very relaxing to dissolve in bathwater”. These claims come despite allegations from a highly unreliable source that the bombs are also fitted with miniature recording devices – allegations that most media outlets have essentially confirmed, because, like, the source seemed nice enough.
Gardaí have assured the public that the raids were successful, and also that the venture was in no way meant to distract from the continuing lack of police presence in rural areas. Senior Gardaí were quick to add that they also almost definitely possibly found what could be some sort of napalm, which had the texture and smell of shampoo and was labelled as such.
The raids therefore, they stressed, were in no way a distraction from more important issues.