Friends with Menefits

The atmosphere is tense tonight in apartment 63 of Castlewhite after what should have been a standard Thursday night out turned into a nightmare from which no one could escape. Sean Eagen and Robert O’Conner had been best friends since birth, and even before birth, that’s how fucking tight these lads are. Sat beside each…

Patriotic Arts Student Fails English

Christmas exam results were released last week, and while many students were hoping for high grades, or at very least a pass, one man couldn’t care less. Michael Leary, a first-year arts student, failed all of his subjects, but failed one more spectacularly than the others; Mr. Leary somehow secured minus 10%, making him the…

Operation Two Birds One Stone

After months of debating, planning and ducking the question, The Irish Government, today revealed their plan to deal with the growing homeless crisis. “Sick of people freezing to death on our streets?” The Taoiseach asked outside the Dáil earlier this month, “Sick of wind and rain and having to wear extra layers? Don’t worry, I’ve…

McGregorism Named Ireland’s Hottest New Religion

Following the meteoric rise of world renowned man-wrangler Conor McGregor, a cult-like worship has sprung up around Ireland, and today that cult has been officially recognised as Ireland’s main religion. At a ceremony this morning the young disciples of Saint McGregor turned up in their droves. Fuelled by their love for a muscly man who…

The Five Stages of a Night Out

I’m no psychologist, but I did accidentally walk into a psychology lecture during freshers week so you know what? I am a psychologist (take that Freud, you dirty old perv) and today I will be speaking to you all about my stunning new theory. It’s one that I’m sure will make waves in the community,…