home Opinion Adams, Varadkar, Pilates and Political Innuendo

Adams, Varadkar, Pilates and Political Innuendo

Written on 15th of July

I was on my way to the Union Grind café on Union Quay in Cork last week to meet a friend for coffee when I bumped into an old acquaintance on the street. That old acquaintance happens to be a golden retriever, and even he was able to tell me that Enda Kenny is a gobshite. Now I’m going to stick my head above the parapet here when I say I speak for us all in saying “Good Riddance Enda.” Oh and for the love of God Kenny, please let the door hit you on the arse on the way out. You see just last week Enda popped over to the dry cleaners, got his blue shirt washed, gave it a quick rub of an iron and handed it for the foreseeable future to Leo Varadkar.

Leo to be fair is a younger, better looking version of Enda with a less punchable face but the real crux here is that I’m not sure if he is any better. I’m also not sure he has done anything to convince me, or convince us for that matter, if he is in fact better. Or more importantly that he is the right man for the job. The old phrase “better the devil you know” comes to mind. However, in this case taking into account his predecessor, I’ll take my chances with Leo. One solace I’m taking from this appointment is that Leo is a gay man. It really is a joy to see to behold and makes me proud to be Irish. It truly is remarkable and is proof personified how far we have come and grown as a nation. The Yes vote is a medal that Ireland should wear around its neck with pride. We should be thankful for Leo in this regard. Unfortunately, this is as good as it gets. I hope I am wrong, I sincerely do. However, I simply do not see where Fine Gael are going or where Leo Varadkar is going to take us. I mean Enda passed on the torch quicker than the Russian 400m relay team and we know how that panned out.

In case I haven’t made myself abundantly clear already, I wouldn’t be too fond of Mr. Kenny. Only last week Gerry Adams treated us to the wonderful information that both he and Mr. Varadkar had shared a Pilates class in the past, queue awkward shuffling and wry smiles in the Dail chamber. Now Gerry Adams I do like: I like his big grey beard, I like his small shiny glasses, I like his face, I like his quirky socks and more importantly I like his mandate. You see, Gerry is kind of like if ‘the Big Bang’ and Ronseal had a love child: He’s been around since day one and you get exactly what it says on the tin. Sinn Féin as a party have grown exponentially. This didn’t happen by chance. The people of Ireland have responded to a strong and transparent mandate. Sinn Féin are pro LGBT, pro Remain, are ardent advocates for repealing the 8th amendment (something that Leo will have to address ASAP in order to retain some semblance of credibility). Sinn Féin are a feminist party with powerful women such as Mary Lou Macdonald and Michelle O’Neill representing the party North & South. A party that I genuinely believe in sincere and has Ireland and her people’s best interests at heart.

Artist’s rendering of what that pilates class might look like

What’s not to like, I hear you ask? Well you could go down the well-trodden path that Theresa May decided to take when trying to discredit Jeremy Corbyn in their recent referendum, referencing her claims that Jeremy Corbyn had known links with terrorism because of his sympathy with the IRA during the Troubles in the North. The legitimacy of this blasé statement by Mrs. May is left wanting when you take into account her new coalition government partners. Insincere and laughable. I spent one full year trawling through every and any Irish history book known to man during the course of my Master’s degree and I find statements like this to be massively ill-informed and narrow minded. I picked up the phone to confront Theresa on the aforementioned statement but Arlene informed me that Mr. May had lost her mobile whilst jogging through a wheat field. Each to their own. One of her naughty episodes, Mrs. Foster assured me. I’ll buzz her next week when the blower is back in action (that is not a euphemism).

To sum up, Gerry Adams is like a big cuddly Republican Santa. And unlike the other Santa, I believe in Gerry. His gift to us in the near future is going to be a United Ireland. A referendum on such is inevitable. There are many reasons that we should vote for a United Ireland when that time is upon us. Far more reasons than the patriotic ones that makes the year 1916 familiar to us all. I mean financially. I mean regards to imports and exports. I mean regards to infrastructure. The benefits to Ireland’s economy are profound. The exact opposite of Brexit. Facts I will indulge to readers next week, right now I have to go, I’m late for my Pilates class.