First Year Arts student and all round ‘gas cunt’ Sorcha McNally is set to become this year’s winner for Biggest Legend due to her astounding commitment to wearing her festival wristband past the point of being socially acceptable.
In an exclusive interview with the Express, McNally revealed that she plans to keep her now mildly repulsive Electric Picnic band attached to her wrist until mid-October, well-past the acceptable time period of ‘y’know, a few weeks’. “People keep telling me that my wristband needs to go, that it’s getting manky, blah blah blah… They forget though, the band gets washed whenever I take a shower. Duh.” Though this seems logical, I enquire about the sinister-looking, scaly rash that has developed on her wrist where the band lies. “All part of the grind, my dude,” she replies.
When asked what her reason is for keeping the band, which was originally orange but has now attained a slightly grey, sad look, Ms.McNally responded: “Originally, the band was meant to be a part of my new, improved Freshers persona. I was going to be That Girl That Goes To Festivals. Possibly even a Techno Head, if I could pull it off. Soon though, it became clear that my wristband was a gateway to something bigger. Something legendary.”
Punters had already pegged Sorcha as a favourite to win this year’s Biggest Legend title after she wowed the Vic Mills population with her startling ability to down cans of Galahad at an after-sesh. Not only this, but McNally also credits herself as the inventor of the ‘Jaevodbuca’ a concoction of jaeger, vodka and sambuca that, quite frankly, probably tastes like that black shit that killed Dumbledore in the sixth Harry Potter movie (spoilers, sorry). That said, it’s clear that Sorcha has already totally cracked the first code of becoming a First Year Legend: alcohol = super cool. And with this youngster catching on so early in the game, I think it’s clear who the winner of this year’s title will be.